I’m not the most maternal of people. At school, I was forced to endure two torturous weeks of work experience at a nursery where I spent my entire time disinfecting myself whenever a kid came near me. If kids touch me, I have to wash my hands (who knows what diseases those miniature humans have?!) and I refuse to entertain the idea of ruining my body and life for one of them. But around this time of year, I suddenly get a huge craving for a baby. Only for one day, mind. Halloween.
See, my mum’s pregnant (apparently, two drama queen daughters aren’t enough for her) but she timed it crappily and the baby won’t be here until the end of November. So I can’t dress up the kid as a pumpkin or gremlin or gnome for the big, made up day. So unless I can find someone who’s willing to loan me their brat for a day, I won’t be able to fulfill these epic daydreams…
WARNING: The following may persuade you to steal a kid for a day. Don’t do it. The trouble you’ll get into is just not worth it for one of these disease carriers. Okay?!
The Jersey Short
Now I’m not exactly the biggest fan of these Jersey Shore types (I’ve never even seen the rubbish) but if you just so happen to have a few miniature humans lying around on the 31st, you could do worse than dress them up as Snooki et al. Just pray they don’t have the same attitude problems.
Inappropriate? Yes. Hilarious? Without a doubt. Fake ‘fro, Thriller red jacket, and weird noises no one understands. Baby Michael Jackson could probably even learn the Moonwalk if you had enough patience.
The above photograph requires no additional dialogue.
I’ll be stalking the interweb over the next week to find some more epic costumes and possibly a baby to borrow.
Originally Posted: October 19th, 2011 at this blog